Western Michigan’s running a ticket promotion of some sort, and I’m sure it involves being able to see some number of Broncos games but honestly I skipped right over that because look at this bobblehead.

These are the things I love most about this bobblehead.

  1. The trophy. At first you think, wait, is that the new CFB Playoff trophy? Is Western Michigan out here declaring their intent to play for, and win, the national championship? No. Recall that the actual Playoff trophy looks like a $800 tube of chapstick. What Fleck has perched on his boat is…

THE FUCKING POPEYES BAHAMAS BOWL TROPHY. P.J. Fleck has absolutely convinced his players this is better than most, if not all, other bowl victories, because Western Michigan has it and somebody’s gonna have to take it from them.

2. The boat, obviously. Not simply because it proves Fleck will never, ever back down from Rowing Said Boat, but because, given the Popeyes trophy, it strongly suggests Fleck rowed back to Kalamazoo from the Bahamas by himself. Between his likely distrust of baggage handlers and his innate desire to do that which others say is “highly inadvisable” and “will take months for no good reason,” Fleck has motive aplenty.

3. The headset. Even if he’s miles from home, rowing by himself with only the Popeyes trophy as a conversation partner, P.J. Fleck is ready to call in the next play. If you remade Cast Away with Fleck instead of Tom Hanks, Wilson would know how to read zone coverage within a week.

4. Owning this and treasuring it for the rest of my life. No, for real, Western Michigan, this is a totally shameless request that you send me one of these bobbleheads so I can proudly display it. I have included my mailing address below, because that can’t possibly go poorly.

Ryan Nanni
Vox Media
104 W. 40th Street
New York, NY 10018