What would you do with your own Mini Malcolm?

What would you do with your own Mini Malcolm? By Ernest Bowker

Bobbleheads are weird little items. Once a giveaway at stadiums in the 1960s and 70s, the miniature sports statues with loosely attached, oversized heads had a comeback in the 1990s and 2000s.
Collectors and enthusiasts scoop up a lot of the rarer ones, and there’s even a National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum.
Right now, the Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum seems to be more idea than reality. It exists as a web site (bobbleheadhall.com) and an organization trying to get a permanent residence built, and is funded by sales of limited edition and customized bobbleheads.
Personally, the idea of a building full of unblinking, soulless dolls nodding in unison like hundreds of plastic cult members creeps me out to no end. But if that’s your thing, it’s your thing.
And if you’re a Malcolm Butler fan — and who in Vicksburg isn’t? — you can really make it your thing.
Among its offerings, the National Bobblehead Hall of Fame and Museum is selling Malcolm Butler bobbleheads to commemorate the New England Patriots’ victory in Super Bowl LI. He’s one of a half-dozen members of the team immortalized in plastic, just as he was after the Patriots won Super Bowl XLIX.
You can get the base model for only $30, but that’s for chumps, right? Real fans need the 3-foot version.
Yes, that’s right. For the low, low price of only $800 — plus shipping and handling — you can own Mini Malcolm. The real Butler is 5-foot-11. The real Butler also blinks a lot more.
Imagine it. You and your kids can have hours of fun throwing footballs at Mini Malcolm just like Russell Wilson did in Super Bowl XLIX. Or, for more fun, put on a Marshawn Lynch jersey and change history by running past him.
Set it in the kitchen next to a box of Popeye’s chicken to relive the hard times, or interview him like in the good times. If you ask Mini Malcolm yes or no questions, you’ll always get an answer.
Put it in the yard to scare away small children! Ride up and down the street with him in the passenger seat and have a parade!